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OMFG, Akamai!

We use Akamai as a content distribution network. For the non-geeky crowd, this means that some of the items in our firm's web applications are distributed to the planet by Akamai: when a user in, say, the UK, uses our application, the graphics, images & logos in our app are retrieved from a local server in the UK close to the user rather than reaching across the planet to get a copy from our server in Virginia. This gives the user a faster web experience, and it eases the load on our web servers in Virginia.

Naturally, we use web certificates so users can be certain (a) they are getting data from an authorized source instead of Someone Evil, and (b) it is encrypted for privacy, (c) it is secured for consistency to ensure the data wasn't manipulated in transit.

We have several web certificates for many domains in Akamai. Three of the certs will expire this week so Akamai contacted us for approval to renew them. I've been trying to tell them that we don't need the certs and to let them go, but they just don't believe me.

Akamai: There's three three certs which are gonna expire. Let's coordinate a time to talk to the cert vendor to renew them!
Me: Not needed. We don't use those domains so we can let the certs expire and save money.
A: But there's customer traffic!
Me: Not from us. We don't use those domains.
A: But there's customer traffic!
Me: If any, it's probably web bots and spiders. Don't care.
A: But there's customer traffic! Look, one domain name is CNAMEd traffic to our caches!
Me: Yes, the data is in the zone files, but we don't use those domains.
A: But there's customer traffic! You need to renew immediately!
Me: No, that's not us. We don't care. *Logs into the Akamai control panel, removes the certs. Updates DNS to remove any reference to Akamai in those zones* Look, I've wiped out the references to Akamai. We don't use the domains, we don't care about the certs, we want to them to expire.
A: But there's customer traffic! It will all fail now!
Me: What can I do to persuade you we aren't using these services and can let them expire?
A: *silence*

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